Moment of Clarity

~This is what I wrote a month after James came to see me for the first time, last Dec (2007)~

Have you ever had a moment of pure clarity? Where everything just fell nicely into place for once in your life?

I rarely have those moments, my life is normally full of uncertainy and chaos… But I did have a moment of clarity recently… and it involved a very special person in my life…

Everyone pretty knows that James came down to Texas in Dec… well, I do kind of want to tell the story, without getting into the X-rated stuff if I can avoid it… James kinda hates it when I talk about his sexual prowess… lol oops

Anyways… I think I shall describe the first few moments of our meeting.. Cause those are really the moments where I was just, floored, stunned, amazed… whatever you want to call it…

It happened like this…

It was a friday night, I had to work, sadly… His flight was coming in at 10:15 that night… so I as constantly checking the time on my phone, txting him, all that good stuff, to make sure he was ok…

I was already horribly nervous, had been all day, butterflies in my stomach, all of that good stuff. 

Right around 11pm, an hour and a half before I got off work, he txts me, saying that he is at the hotel. That was when my nervous really went crazy on me… I actually went into the bathroom at work and dry-heaved for a few minutes. 

That last hour and a half was the most nerve racking thing I have ever experienced in my life, and I will never forget it. I will gladly experience all over again for the rewards it gave me.

So I get off work, jet out, fast… I mean it took me 4 minutes to drive to the hotel from where I work, normally would take me 7 minutes to drive there, since it was on the way to pick up Jimmie from my sister’s to begin with. 

Ran up the stairs, which was hell on my knees, stopped at the door to catch my breath, made sure not a hair was out of place… the final check before I knocked on the door. 

A brief moment to steady my heartbeat… And I knocked on the door…

He opened the door, and gave me this smile, a smile that I will never forget. It melted my heart, and my nervousness faded. 

I set down my keys, took off my coat, and he grabbed me in a hug. In that brief moment, I felt the pieces of my life fall into place. 

This person that I loved dearly, was exactly what I needed/wanted. Exactly what I had strived for all my life to have. 

We went and sat down together on the bed, and he looked at me, again with that heart melting smile, which is strange cause he rarely smiles. He looked at me, a hand on my hair and said, “There is something I have been waiting several months to do…” 

He pulled me towards him, and gave me one of the most passionate kisses of my life. It sent a jolt through me, a chill down my spine, whatever metaphor you want to use, all of it happened at once. 

It was in that moment that I knew, I just knew, there could never be another person for me. That he was it, that he would never do me wrong, never hurt me, that I would never have a reason to be sad with him. It was an amazing moment, and something that will stay with me til the day I die, even I do lose my mind due to old age…