~I am going to start work on, something, and this is the first part, I will move the entries to their own page eventually~

Part of me never realized just how much I was giving up, when I decided to move over 2K miles away from everything I had ever known.

All for love, for the man I married.

Idont  regret it, not in the slightest, but in my own fear of social situations, I have made a cage of my own marriage.

Its a safe cage, and I AM happy.

But…

Its on nights like this, when my husband is at work, and the kid is in bed, that I really feel isolated.

These are the nights that I dont even have the comfort of talking to my best friend via IM. Because, she, like everyone else, has a life that doesnt involve typing constantly.

People have suggested those horrid Mommy and Me group, as a way to make friends.

One problem.

I cant stand those women. You know the ones I am talking about. The ones that have nothing to else to say but what their precious little snowflake did.

I’m sure your child is a delight, but I highly doubt you think hes a perfect little angel when hes screaming his head off at 4am, and has been screaming for 3 hours, and you are just plain tired of it.

I love my kid, I really do. But there is no way in hell to be THAT tolerant of a child’s faults.

I cant stand those women, and they think I am the worst mother ever. We avoid each other like the plague.

Not being a fan of the “standard” religions, the ability to socialize at church is another thing I cant do. The idea of attending for the sake of meeting people, doesnt really mesh with me. Not that you dont make friends at church, I dont think its a good idea to go just for that.

So, there it is, my admittance.

I’m a lonely, social phobic, borderline agoraphobic married woman with a 4 year old.

And I have no idea how to fix this issue.

Maybe I should have had that zoloft refilled sooner…

©2010 Holly E. Reinsch

Filed under: Caged