~I’m not really sure what this post is going to be about, so bear with me while I ramble a bit~

I havent a clue what I want to BE.

I’m nearly 25, married, with a 5 year old, but aside from being a mom and a partner, I havent the foggiest idea what I should be.

I’m a failed college student, 6 credits away from an AAS, and its very unlikely I will finish my design degree. Theres just, too much pain there.

I’m a failed artist, which is understandable given my eye condition currently. But it was a huge part of my life, it helped me work through a lot of things that I doubt I could have gotten through otherwise.

I would like to maybe be a writer, but considering how little I actually understand the outside world. I doubt I could write something that the common people could understand, or even like.

I’m trying my hand at photography, and so far gotten positive responses from people, but thats more me trying to find a new outlet for emotions I no loner know how to properly deal with.

I havent really talked about it before, but I am medicated for my hypo-mania (biopolar II), I take 200mg of sertaline (Zoloft) daily, and some days it doesnt feel like enough. But I am so scared of the medication roulette, I’ve DONE that and was really lucky to find that worked early on.

Sure I could go and see a therapist, been there, done that. The best therapist I ever had taught me the skills I needed to go un-medicated for several years, and I still use those skills.

My problem is more than I feel so very adrift in a sea of people that know exactly what they are meant to do, whereas is seems my life’s goal is to apparently amass a great wealth of useless, but very interesting and insightful knowledge and skills that dont really allow me to pursue a life path that makes sense.

I do know that I am VERY lucky to have the sort of situation that allows me to discover who I am, and what my goals are. I also have fabulous friends, both in meat space and inside this shiny box of internet, that encourage me and are there when I need them. There arent a lot of you, but your support means SO much, really, thank you, I cant say it enough.

Theres a lot of the world to experience, and its about time I start going out into it…

Now where did I put my big plastic bubble and that can of Stranger-away?