Seriously…?

Its been AGES since I have done a proper update, mostly dumping photos and such.

But…

I had good reasons for it… Sorta…

March was the Month of Appointments. And wasnt just a few throughout the month, oh no, there were 2-3 times per week that month. Plus a LOT of very early mornings for us not happy with dawn hours.

April was thankfully fairly calm. We had the kiddo focusing on his school stuff, and we working on just lowering our stress levels to something that didnt have me manic and sleep deprived.

May was sort of calm, at least for the first week. Then I began the Great House Cleaning to prepare for the arrival of Hurricane Mom. That coupled with my Burly classes AND eye appointments made me more stressed than I really needed to be.

On the eyeball front, I am sorta happy to report that surgery for either eye is not in my immediate future. I DO however have Coat’s Diease in my left eye, but its localized to the already damaged area, so as long as it doesnt spread, or cause me serious discomfort, we’re just going to leave it alone. The mystery mass under my right has been identified as a BENIGN fatty tumor, and again, no surgery needed at this point. I named it Mildread…

The THREE WEEK visit with Mom went as expected, lots of bonding with the kiddo. Which is the main reason for the visits, she and I have bonded as much as we are going to already lol. Plus we FINALLY got my Mom to meet and hang with Jelly Bean’s Mom and Step-Dad… I think they hit it off. I’m not sure.

June saw Jelly Bean and I at Calgary Tower to see Dr. Horrible live via Broadway West, which was spectacular and awesome. It was followed by dinner at Moxie’s, where we drank too much and had a lot of fun. We dont get to go out just us very much, so it was nice.

Mid-June had a week where everyday was SOMETHING. Eye test, blood work, Mom departing, our consult with the Fertility Clinic… Which made for a very tired Cupcake, who just wanted to sleep and eat a cookie.

So I have about two weeks currently that are hopefully going to be nice and relaxing, followed by mass insanity with the kiddo’s FIFTH birthday on the 18th, followed by two weeks of swimming lessons and a week of day camp.

And at some point my Sis-in-Law is going pop out another baby (my NINTH niece/nephew to date), and of course I must being corrupting it early on.

Oh, and my mother is returning at the end of Aug for another 2 weeks, courtesy of me. I might be a glutton for clutter or something. But hey, shes my mom. Its worth it.

My VERY drunken thoughts on New Moon…

Warning, there might be spoilers, not that most of my readers care.

Not even five mins in… and hes sparkling

Please close your mouth, you look like a simpleton

Oh yay, they armed her with a camera for this movie *eyeroll*

And hes doing the slow mo walk entrance to bass heavy music

Holy horrible hairpiece batman…

Cliche’d gift of a dreamcatcher from the Native

Wow, that was the most unemotional, deadpanned reading of Romeo and Juliet I have ever heard

Yes because flinging her backwards ensures that she wont be hurt… oh wait… now its a much larger wound

Wow, I would believe his love for her more if he didnt look like he wanted to vomit at the thought

“You dont belong in my world” Translation: get of out my face bitch

Are you crying, or faking an orgasm while he breaks up with you?

She walked for hours in the woods… but when she turns around, she finally falls down… Thats NOT clumsy

Umm, no one notices the NAKED native man carrying an unconscience girl? Apparently her being alive is good enough

Slow rotating camera of her sitting to show the passage of time… ugh

Three months and more have passed, and shes plagued with nightmares and listless… and her father hasnt done anything? Talk about bad parenting

OH you stupid girl, yeah thats a GREAT idea

And apparently hes sending her mental images of him talking to warn her

Oh gods, shes going to do dangerous things to see him again

So now she turns to Native boy to help her make a motorcycle… And he happily agrees, because hes like… in like with her

And he seems to be a typical 16 year old boy… oh wait no, more like 12

Dude, I know youre like Native and shit, but I know they have hair brushes on the Reservations. Use one

Hah she fell off the bike and smacked into a rock… a really big rock

Omg, what is with all of the age jokes in this movie…

Why are all of these guys fawning over her? She plain at best… AT BEST

Oh now hes cut his hair, no more horrible hair piece for him

And another guy says he cant be friends with her. Shouldnt that mean something by now?

Oh gods, he used the “its not you, its me” line

Why has no one gotten her help for her obvious obsessive habits and depression?

And here come the Weres

He parkors to her room, why?

I think this whole movie is an excuse to have Native boy half naked most of the time

And now she knows for sure that hes a Were

Really, “So the wolf’s out of the bag”?

Wait, the whole purpose of the Weres in this are to kill vamps? A vamp moves into town, and they get a “fever” and change… Uhh

Since when did all the vamps start having red contacts? I mean, red eyes…

If she knocked her head hard enough to be knocked out… there should be blood dangit

When did this become Smallville? ‘Beefcake’ is constantly naked, wet, or both.

Damn shes dumb… Dont go in there dumb bitch

More slow-mo walking for vamp boy

Why is she slow-mo running. Theres nothing there to bounce in a pleasing way

They are reunited, and hes suppose to be passionate, and he just looks like he wants to vomit

Why is changing into a Were called “phasing” its a bit too sci-fi for me. “Shifting” is way more accurate I think

Damn his hair is like a white boy’s fucked up afro… its horrid

Why are they so possessive of her? Why the dueling dicks? Shes NOT worth it.

Damn, dont tell a dude you love him when you’re turning a guy down, thats such a cunt move.

Someone please rip her head off… PLEASE

Seriously? You’ll only turn her if she marries you? UNHEALTHY

One of the main differences between my sister and I growing up has always been her striving to be popular. I never really cared, I was happy being the “weird kid” in 3rd grade who could read a 100 novel without help.

Despite my desire to go through life to the beat of my own drum. I realized something in early middle school.

I was lonely.

Lonely to the point that self-harm seemed very appropriate. Because I didnt have any close friends to speak of, not really. I had a small group of people I sometimes hung out with, but I lacked the herd of people that my sister seemed to have.

It bears noting that, no, my sister and I did not get along, for most of our lives she pretty much hated me, and her anger made me hate myself. My relationship with my sister is another post, obviously.

So, here I was, in 7th grade, no close friends to speak, hating everything about myself, and wondering what was “wrong” with me that people would dislike me so much. I barely spoke, I didnt have much of a voice, I was content reading my books, and making good grades. And trying to ignore my tormentors.

I should also note, I was an “early bloomer”, summer after 5th grade Mother Nature decided to curse/bless me with a rack no person with my build should ever have.

It got me more attention than I wanted. Thankfully, my sister in utter dislike of me, made it so most people left me alone. Sure I was shoved into a locker now and then, but there was rarely anything more physical than that.

It wasnt until we moved to a very tiny town that I learned just how hateful humanity is.

I was once again teased and humiliated on a regular basis, largely because I dressed and acted very differently than the people that lived there. Plus it was a small town, most of the people I went to school with had lived there all their lives, and had families going back several generations.

I did not belong there.

The girls I went to school with let it be known that I was a “witch” and a whore, and was unwelcome in their social lives. Unless, of course, they required some sort of help on homework. Though they expected my “help” to be doing it for them.

The guys, now there was something. In a town of 6000 people, in Texas, it was a Football Town. The guys that played were gods, and they tried to treat me like some back alley ten cent whore. All of it based on rumors and my impressive rack.

Was it fair to me? Hell no.

All of this compiled into a nice mountain of depression and self-harm.

I just wanted to be treated like a human being.

And I didnt want to be lonely anymore.

But the people I was surrounded by everyday continued to judge me, and hate me, all because I was different.

That sort of blind hate has led 3 of my close friends growing up to commit suicide. I very nearly became one of those numbers, several times.

Looking back on my life, I do realize that I could have acted more like other people, and would probably have been accepted more by people. But it wouldnt have been me that they liked, it would have been another “sheep” for the flock.

Now, even though I dont have a large group of friends, the ones I have are precious to me.

I never wanted to be popular, I just wanted someone to like me for ME.

Does it?

As a couple who adore technology in all forms. Our computers are a large part of lives, its how we survived the 2000 mile distance between us, and how I manage to stay connected to all of my friends in Texas.

Jelly Bean got a new pc a few weeks ago, built with his own hands, and the first one in our house to sport Windows 7.

Win7 is so… so pretty.

Sure hes had his, endless, problems with it, mostly compatibility issues, but overall, its a wonderful OS.

I was jealous.

Jealousy doesnt become me one bit. I am sad to say, I do enjoy having the newest, coolest toy on the block. Its a matter of pride with me. No I dont understand it, but there it is.

I wanted Win7, wanted it bad.

So, we decided that he would upgrade to Win7 Pro, and I would get a nice shiny copy of Win7.

Ran the CD, and went through the motions of upgrading, with the same glee of a kid on christmas.

Expect for one thing…

My lovely motherboard, thats worked so well all this time, was a half a notch below the requirement. Technically, and by that I mean Microsoft’s website, claimed that it was compatible.

But it still wouldnt work.

We were up most of the night trying to find work arounds, and fixes, but nothing worked.

Finally, we had to admit defeat. XP would be for me, no pretty OS for me.

Then, some googling resulted in some hope. I could get a new motherboard, more than able to run Win7, for the nice price of 70 bucks.

One problem…

I needed a new CPU chip as well.

More searching for me then.

And lo and behold, a new chip was nicely priced at 80 dollars.

Internet, how I love you.

So, order placed, now I just have to wait for the parts to come in.

Expect, in putting XP back on my machine, it decided that my big monitor (I run dual screens), was not something it liked anymore. So most of the day has been spent trying to fix that.

Currently, its not fixed, but Jelly Bean and I switched screens, and that seems to be working just fine.

I just miss my old screen…

My computer makes me want to cry right now. That could be the sleep deprivation talking though.

Today is the last day to email me your address if you want a holiday card from me and the weird family.

Seriously, I am kinda pathetic right now, doing cards might help me feel better.

Get a Holiday Card from a partly blind sad person, who really needs to be medicated but cant get a hold of her doctor, and is out of booze.

You can email me at sunleyemrys AT gmail DOTcom